My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
