Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
