Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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