Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
