Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
