ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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