Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
