I wanna bring you to show and tell
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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