Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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