I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
