my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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