I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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