Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
