i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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