I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I need water and some morals
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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