I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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