He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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