i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Semen is not good for contacts.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
