Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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