is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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