..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
