Quick, to the slutcave!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize