dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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