couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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