I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
