its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
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Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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