weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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