you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
