woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
