it was like having sex with a tree stump
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
