Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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