My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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