you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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