All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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