Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
