she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
