he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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