she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
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I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
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Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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