I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
