I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
