remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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