Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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