Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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