Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
