I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
