Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He passed out mid-signature
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
