Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
