good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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