We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
