I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
