So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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