He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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