Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
