addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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