Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
