can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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