I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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