Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
