my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
