Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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