I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
