U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
