I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
