I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
