My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
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That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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