How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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