U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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