Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
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you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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